Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Who's Your Daddy?

Who loves her parents? The Soctopus!
Oh, hey Dad, I did a thing!
So. This happened. Again.

*Aaaaand I'm an idiot who forgot to mention that my work is done by Khalil Linane at Fist Full of Metal. Go see him, because he's awesome.*


So. It's time for some tentacled catch up. The Soctopus is still alive and kicking. Cranky as hell, but then, that's baseline these days. The above picture is of Captain Soctopus, on Halloween, that most venerable of holidays. A pretty good costume this year. Halloween was a hell of a lot of fun, and the Soctopus only threw one drink on someone! Not too shabby!

In other news, the 'Pus is decidedly over dating and meeting new people. It's like a game of Goldilocks from hell. No one person ever seems to fit quite right. So in the meantime, the 'Pus is going to concentrate on friends and family and founding an island of puppies to retire to. All dating apps deleted, all profiles retired. I suppose I hit dating shenanigans critical mass so it was time to take the Soctopus out of the game.

Did I learn anything? Actually, yes, but more about myself and what I do/don't want in a partner. Number one lesson: dating has changed in the past decade. A lot. Oy vey. Sexting. Sexy emojis. Too much to take in. Lesson two: while there are good men out there, you have to sort through approximately eleventy assholes to meet them. Decidedly not worth it. Lesson three: hot guys are *more* insecure than their less hot brethren. The best looking guy I dated was a complete hot mess, obsessed with his muscles and how women viewed him. Spoiler alert: not well.

Another lesson learned: if you remind me of Mr. Soctopus, either in actions or mannerisms, I will notice it immediately and kick you to the curb. Examples: treating my friends defensively, trying to control who/when I see, being emotionally vacant/unavailable. Last (short) relationship ended abruptly when I realized I was dating Mr. Soctopus 2.0. Immediate reaction: "run for the hills, DANGERRRRRRR!" Which is healthy, and a nice realization. The Soctopus prioritized healthy wants and needs over ridiculously good-looking! (I know, I know, I kinda can't believe it either.)

On the plus side, the Soctopus bought a panda-bear onesie and has decided that pretty much makes err'thing OK. Panda-pus? Soctopanda-bear?